those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
