did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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