i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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