I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
