My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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