If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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