saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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