I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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