I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
