i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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