I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
