we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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