please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
