Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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