Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
