you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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