I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
