I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
