How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my shit smells like andre
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
