You're so nebulous sometimes
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
