now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
