well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
