Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
false alarm, still single
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