explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize