i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
