I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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