he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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