I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
