Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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