from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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