i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
