God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
