I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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