Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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