Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
