im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
