I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
