Don't make out with my wife yet
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize