I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize