I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
