Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
