I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
