Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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