I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
