Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
