sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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