Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
