I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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