His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
