what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize