paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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