even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
