I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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