The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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