life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
