3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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