I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
