I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
