im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm passing your future prison.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
