garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
