There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
