he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
