I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We're too hungover to prance.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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