You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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