i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
