Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
