it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
