Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
