What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
