I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
