it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
is it fun? or sober?
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