Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
